I had a mental breakdown after making a parental application for an Education Health and Care Plan (EHCP). My child was having violent meltdowns at home. The school said I would never get EHCP, but I applied anyway.
It went through and EHCP was granted. As soon as this happened, the Special Educational Needs Coordinator phoned and said it was “over the top and unnecessary” and that things would be changing at the first Annual Review. The SENCO said that at Annual Review “we’ll be holding all the cards” as they would in control of the process. Then said: “we see a well-behaved, compliant child, so the teachers must be better at managing her, than you are”.
I had my breakdown after the phone call. My GP put me on antidepressants and sleep meds. All the work for the EHCP had been hard, getting that phone call from the SENCO broke me and made me question my ability as a parent.
The experience was very damaging as I couldn’t care for my daughter anymore–following my breakdown I was depressed for a long time. I lost faith in myself as a parent. My husband had to take time off work to look after our daughter. My stomach still turns every time I go past the school – it has had a very long-lasting impact.
I wish that they had believed me when I told them my daughter was struggling. Also if they thought the things they did, they should have kept those thoughts to themselves. They should have been kind. Life is challenging enough with an autistic child without gaslighting and judgement from school. I put a lot of work into getting support from my daughter – all I wanted to do was help her, but the judgement and shaming from the school really broke me.
Parents really are the best experts in their children. Please believe them when they ask for help or report what happens at home (even if the child is different in school) – please educate yourselves on autism and masking.
Our systems (especially education) are causing huge trauma to both children and parents – the long-term damage this causes will cost education and the health service huge sums of money. And huge damage to families who are already at breaking point. With kindness and empathy, many families could avoid the trauma I went through. It was literally just words (and the judgement of those words) that broke me. If those words had been different, I wouldn’t have had my breakdown, and our family could have avoided a lot of pain and distress.
